Dark side

Don't want to hear me whining? Don't read this one.


I am a jealous person. I know this - I always have been. I compare myself and my situation to those around me, and usually find myself coming up short. I struggle with this, and I thought I was starting to do better. I can usually seperate my wants from my needs, and I realize how incredibly fortunate I am that my needs are more than met. I've never truly been without anything important. I know this. I don't need the piles of money, though I would like a house of my own. I don't need a new car, though I would like enough money to put new tires on my husband's. I don't need the cool gadget, or the great trip, or any of the material things that I covet.

But how do I squelch the jealousy that comes from seeing my nearest and dearest given the one thing that I have always - all my life - secretly and not-so-secretly desired? The one thing that I would sincerely and joyfully give up everything to have?

How do I shake the anger, the hurt, the jealousy and the fear, how do I put away the silly dreams I built around my desire, in order to be the strong, caring, loving, supportive person I need to be now?

Sorry to be so vague - it's not my story to share at the moment. Some of you know what I'm talking about, some may guess, and some won't care either way. I just need to get this out there, and I can't deal with talking to anyone in person right now.